I pace around the living room nervously as I hear my television blaring all the blood curdling screams and cries of the Hunger Games. I never like to watch them and see all of those innocent children be killed for peoples amusement, but it is required that every household be watching it. Besides, I want to make sure that Juliet Spark, the only tribute left from District Five, is okay so that I will know if my district still has the chance for this honor.
Suddenly, a loud voice comes onto the television and almost shatters my eardrum as the Gamemakers announce that they have a special trick up their sleeves today that was sure to shake things up. Oh no! I think to myself what are they going to do now? I sit on the couch and my eyes are glued intently to the screen as I try to figure out what is going on. However, my ears pick up on it before my eyes do. I can hear the faint crashing of water in the background slowly growing faster and louder. Even though I cannot feel the ground, I can still tell by the shaking camera and loud rumbling that it is shaking. What could they be doing? Finally, I see it. A massive wave, which made some of the smaller mountains look tiny by comparison, has come out of the ocean and was making its way across the arena, destroying everything in its path. UH-OH! My eyes grow huge with the realization of what these poor tributes were facing. My heart starts to race right out of my chest. Not a tsunami!
Of course, I have never seen a tsunami in person. I have, however, heard enough stories and have seen enough clips on the news to know one when I see one, and this was a tsunami all right. I have heard of all the dangers and destructive power that these massive waves bring and I feel a pang of sorrow to all who were about to lose their lives to this thing. No one deserves the cruel fate that these Gamemakers give to the tributes, I tell myself, no one. I stare at the screen, hoping that Juliet will end up all right and that she still has the chance to win this for District Five. Through the rumbling, you can just make out the shrieks of some tributes that are obviously fighting for their lives and a shiver runs down my spine. The wave continues to grow and it keeps destroying the arena, until all of a sudden, it stops. Just like that. The Gamemakers must have decided that they had killed enough people for now, and the tsunami did not need to continue.
I keep staring at the screen until I catch a quick glimpse of Juliet. She is not in the best condition, but she is still alive and breathing. I let out a sigh and the weight on my shoulders is lifted. This pleasant feeling doesn’t last very long because soon after, I see four dead bodies that the tsunami had caused lying there on the ground. I can’t tell who they are, but that doesn’t stop the hot tears from rolling down my cheeks. How could anybody find this amusing? I wonder as I walk to my room and lay down in bed, trying to forget what I just saw. How could anybody do this kind of thing to innocent children? I keep thinking about this until I am finally able to drift off to sleep.
I thought that your post was little too lengthy. The post is only supposed to be 3/4 of a page and yours seemed way longer than that. These two sentences also confused me in the first paragraph: “I never like to watch them and see all of those innocent children be killed for peoples amusement, but it is required that every household be watching it.” You missed an apostrophe so it should be people’s, not peoples. The second sentence also confused me when you said how every household be watching it. I think you may have missed a word because it doesn’t sound right. Lastly, in the second and third paragraph, there are a few missing commas where they should be and you change to past tense for a sentence or two. Other than that, good job!
I think that this post was really good. The feeling and emotion was clear in the thoughts and reactions of your person. I wish you had involved more sensory details; it would seem more realistic that way. You had a mistake, where peoples needs to be people’s and I think a lot of your sentences could be less wordy. your idea was very good.
I thought it was a very good piece overall. However it was to long, it is only supposed to be 2-3 paragraphs and 3/4 of a page. Also more sensory detail and figurative language would have made this more interesting. Overall it was very good just simple mistakes that with a quick revision could have been fixed.