I gulp a deep lungful of air as I run and my brain is on hyper drive. I have to escape; nothing else matters. I will have to deal with my aching sides and the legs screaming out in pain right after I put as much distance between the jaguars and myself as possible. I could’ve sworn I heard that jaguars attack humans very rarely I thought before I remember where I am, and that these probably aren’t regular jaguars. Still as fierce and fast as always, but this time, programmed to kill humans. Great, what other surprises are going to come out of these games? I know that if someone dies, and the sound of a cannon goes off, that will distract any animals in the games and cause them to go after it. That has always happened in the past. I try to keep up the pace and keep going until someone dies, but with every step, every tree my arms hit, every sharp rock my foot can feel, it becomes increasingly difficult. Come on! You can do this. You have gotten so much better at running this past week. You can outrun these things! Just keep going! I constantly have to tell myself, or I might not be able to continue on. As hard as I try to keep going, my legs seem to turn into jelly and I can hardly pick my feet up off the ground. Eventually, I collapse. I try to pick myself up, but I just can’t. I stop trying to get up and take in a long overdue breath. As nice as it is to be lying down, I can hear the jaguars getting closer and closer. Knowing what is about to happen, I close my eyes and my muscles become as hard as a rock. This is it, I say to myself as I get prepared, this is the end.
Suddenly, I feel something small and cool hit my hand. I realize that it is my tribute token, a small, golden necklace in the shape of a heart with a smooth, pink, glittery stone in the center. This is the necklace that I made with my entire family years ago. My family! My eyes snap open as I remember why I am fighting, why I must survive. I need to return home and see my family. I need to be with my mom and dad, my two little siblings, Allison and Patrick, who I’ve always looked out for. You can’t let them down. You can’t give up. Remembering them gives me the strength I need to fight back, or at least get to safety. My body still aches and cries out in pain, but I will have to ignore that for now. If I can just keep running until someone dies, I will be safe. Despite the protest from my lungs, sides, and legs, I continue to run and put all pain in the back of my mind until finally, the distant boom of a cannon goes off. That was all it took; the jaguars are now heading off into the direction of the cannon. I’m safe for now.
I walk over to the lake and notice a large group of very concealing trees and bushes that I could hide/ sleep in for the night. It’s warm enough that I don’t need a blanket so I lie there on the damp ground and try to get some sleep. I will need some supplies, maybe there are a few left over at the cornucopia. I will have to check tomorrow. Throughout the day, a total of four cannons went off. I didn’t know who had died, only that there were nineteen more people out there who will want to kill me. I will mostly have to watch out for J.K. Notrowling and Blake Cooper, both of which I saw definite bloodlust in their eyes. Unlike them, I don’t want to kill anyone, but I do know that it is the only way for me to survive. This dilemma keeps me up for hours, I don’t even notice when they show the tributes that died. I have to be with my family again. If I am going to do that, then I have to kill, I tell myself repeatedly, as I look down at a knife I found near the lake, so that I won’t forget. I have get home to my family, at any cost.
This was a very fun piece of writing, I loved reading it. I think that you used very good descriptions when you are talking about how your legs hurt when you are running. “As hard as I try to keep going, my legs seem to turn into jelly and I can hardly pick my feet up off the ground.” This sentence had many goo descriptions and helped to have a better understanding of what you were feeling as you were fighting for your life. I just wish that you didn’t continue to repeat yourself throughout the first paragraph. ” I have to escape; nothing else matters. I will have to deal with my aching sides and the legs screaming out in pain right after I put as much distance between the jaguars and myself as possible. ” and “I try to keep up the pace and keep going until someone dies, but with every step, every tree my arms hit, every sharp rock my foot can feel, it becomes increasingly difficult.I try to keep up the pace and keep going until someone dies, but with every step, every tree my arms hit, every sharp rock my foot can feel, it becomes increasingly difficult.” are both well-written sentences, but I don’t think you need both of them.
This was a interesting piece. but I feel you went off the book too much. It had jaguars that were programmed to kill, so I would try to think of more original ideas.
I think that this a good piece but it has room for improvement. I feel that your attention strayed a lot and you had confusing wording. I also think that the tribute token falling on you seems a bit unrealistic because it would not have fallen after you by that amount of time. It would either have fallen with you or a few seconds after you.