This is happening, you’re really going in. Just a few minutes until you enter that arena. That thought constantly repeats itself in my head. No matter how hard I try, or how many other things in the room I try to focus on, my mind always seems to comeback to that thought. My stylist, Korra, must see this on my face because she comes over to me and says, “I’m can’t say everything’s going to be fine, but I know you can win this. You’re one of the toughest, bravest people that I’ve ever met,” she leans in and hugs me. Tough and brave, I think, yeah right! I can barely think about the arena without crying out in fear. Still, the thought gives me a flicker of hope that I haven’t felt since my name was drawn out of that reaping ball. We pull away from each other and sit there in silence. Over the past week, Korra has been there for me and I don’t know how to thank her. Instead, I sit there, memorizing the room we are staying in. I notice the woven rug, made out of red, orange, and yellow fabrics that I do not recognize. The couch we are sitting on is blue and velvet and I constantly have to run my fingers through it, or fiddle with my tribute token, or anything, to get my mind off of where I will be soon. The announcement comes up that it is time for the tributes to head into the arena and my heart starts beating out of my chest as I enter the tube. Korra and I look into each others eyes and I can say the only thing I can think of, “Thank you”, Korra looks up at me, looking confused, “for believing in me. It’s helped get me through the week and its meant a lot to me”. I wish there was more I could say to express how much she has helped me, but I can’t find them. Instead, we just look at each other, tears forming in our eyes until I ascend to the arena.
As I look out at the arena, I gasp and my jaw drops. This is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen! This can’t be the arena for the Hunger Games! I can see on the wide eyes and expressions of other tributes that they feel the same way. It is a warm, tropical area and, even though there are trees everywhere you look, they do not obscure my vision enough to see the majority of the arena. In one direction, there are beautiful, snow-capped mountains. Those could be a good place to hide if it comes to that. In the other direction, there is a large ocean, and the water is being dumped into a pretty, shining lake. Hopefully there is a good, clean source of water for me to drink, I’ll need it. I am so taken aback by the beauty of this place that I almost forget where we are, and the events that are going to take place in a couple of seconds. Then I hear the voice from the monitor counting down the time for the Hunger Games to begin. 11-10-9. I wipe the sweat off of my forehead and get ready to run. It’ll be best to avoid the bloodbath, I’ll just have to find a good hiding place and live off of the land and any supplies from sponsors. I can see the other tributes, some nervous, some with bloodlust in their eye. I know that they’ll all have to die if I am to survive, but I can’t think about that right now. 3-2-1. Here we go I tell myself as I run towards the lake. Let the games begin.
I liked your piece. I feel that you could’ve used more figurative language. Also You should’ve proof read better. ” Tough and brave, I think, yeah right! I can barely think about the arena without crying out in fear. ” This was italicized when it shouldn’t have been.
I really enjoyed reading your narrative, you described the landscape very well. ” In one direction, there are beautiful, snow-capped mountains. Those could be a good place to hide if it comes to that. In the other direction, there is a large ocean, and the water is being dumped into a pretty, shining lake. Hopefully there is a good, clean source of water for me to drink, I’ll need it. I am so taken aback by the beauty of this place that I almost forget where we are, and the events that are going to take place in a couple of seconds. ” These were amazing descriptions, and you also had your thoughts about you surroundings. That was a great touch. the only thing I would recommend changing is making your first paragraph into two paragraphs. I think you could split the paragraph before or after this sentence: “Instead, I sit there, memorizing the room we are staying in.”
It was very good and well written and I liked how you used thoughts from your character to give the reader a view into your mind. There were many good usages of sensory details that made your piece very descriptive, but there were a few minor grammatical errors in your writing, like in the sentence, ““I’m can’t say everything’s going to be fine, but I know you can win this.” You should have instead of “I’m can’t” “I’m not going to” or ‘I can’t’